Embracing Gratitude…

CaptureI am writing after a long sojourn. If you’re reading this, it means you’ve stuck to following my blog faithfully through all of its seasonal surges and seizures. So first of all, let me begin with gushing about how grateful I am to you, for being there, and for not giving up on me and my writing.

And now, I’m going to talk about a few more people I am grateful to. It’s ironical that what triggered me to write about my sense of gratitude to them was something about every one of them that also caused me a lot of anguish. The list is slightly longish, and I have no intentions of naming each member in the list here. What unifies them all is that they, at different points in time, had single-handedly and successfully managed to cause dents in my self-worth.

Okay, so, if that’s the case, then why am I grateful to them?

Two reasons: First, despite the cloak of sarcasm and nonchalance that I, like many of us, adorn, there are moments when I fear that my emotional skin has taken on an unshakeable tint of frigidity, making me frozen from the inside and out. These moments of terror arise not because I do not welcome that state of being the Ice Queen, but because I fear I get very close to losing faith in humanity as a whole, when I am too embroiled within that armour. Each time I am endowed with a feeling of being wronged, splashed with that paint of hurtful wronging thanks to the good-doers I referred to, above, I get a very strong notion that I am still alive inside that armour, still warm, still capable of emoting and still human. So, yes! I am grateful to all of these abonimable characters for reminding me as often as they can, that I am still human.

The second reason is too convoluted for me to articulate accurately, but I’m intending to try. I am unsure of how many of us have been boxed into a situation, chained to circumstances, whipped every moment by the scathing hand of life. I am also unsure of how one responds to such a situation. I cannot falsely claim to have had saintly thoughts every time I was put into such a moment, but I have to admit that one of the most mammoth realisations in life came to me during one of those phases. Amidst the usual screamings in the mind and the shackled helplessness of the soul, I one day realised that I still had a choice. The choice to continue to hate the cause factors, invariably the people in that wretched list I mentioned, or just forgive them. At the risk of sounding very self-righteous, or even worse, of sounding cliched, I have to say that it felt euphoric to be presented with that choice, and to actually realise I am human enough to still forgive them. The moment that defines whether or not I choose to succumb to the intoxication of the evils that life throws at me, or I choose to remain me, is worth a hundred tons of gratitude, if one can ever quantify gratitude.

I also realise that to deserve my love or hatred, one needs a lot of class. I’ll save those emotions for the truly classy ones!

Until then,

Here’s to a better living! 🙂

RC Bean

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2 comments

  1. Hey RC Bean! I am happy to see you kicking and fighting to stay afloat. No one is worth sinking for!!!
    Forgiveness is a very strong act that doesn’t come easily, but to those of us that do – it can be uplifting, even exhilarating! I am happy to see you contemplating walking this path! Keep walking!! 😊 Keep writing!!!

  2. Welcome back! If faith in oneself, is not the greatest crutch we have in our human lives, then, the pure art of forgiving those around us and most of all, ourselves would not be there and if that was not there, then we would not rise like the phoenix from the dust, again and again. Fly, beloved R C Bean, fly high!

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