Why Google won’t search for Chuck Norris…

Norris, who gave the martial art Chun Kuk du to the world, is the object of the famous “Chuck Norris Facts” that’s a rage all over the internet. History has it that Norris really lost his temper big time when someone really had the cheek to get this out as a book. Norris sued Penguin, when they published “The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World’s Greatest Human” in November 2007. The book’s author Ian Spector and two of his web sites, including http://www.truthaboutchuck.com, were also named in the suit.  Quoting from a Reuters article, the lawsuit alleged that “Some of the ‘facts’ in the book are racist, lewd or portray Mr. Norris as engaged in illegal activities. Defendants have misappropriated and exploited Mr. Norris’s name and likeness without authorization for their own commercial profit.”

Now this may have been what Norris considered the last straw, but Norris seemingly appears very sportive about this whole “Chuck Norris Facts” idea. He has made a statement on his website on his thoughts about these “facts.”

IN RESPONSE TO THE “RANDOM FACTS” THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I’m aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as “Chuck Norris facts.” I’ve seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I’m not quite sure what to make of it. It’s quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, “Against All Odds?” They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, “The Justice Riders,” released this month. I’m very proud of these literary efforts.

I thought that was a very noble response from him.

I chanced upon a Mountain Dew ad in YouTube, and that erased all doubts as to how these facts could have originated. 🙂 Here it is:

That does leave you stunned, doesn’t it? 🙂

(Now it gives me a shiver to think that someone might get inspired from this and remake this for Akshay Kumar’s next Thumbs Up ad. Akshay saab, no offence, but for the general sanity and well-being of the world, I would request you to refrain from any such attempts. Your ads mighty silly as they are.)

To satiate your “thirst” for Chuck Norris “facts,” I have given below a few of those that I found hilarious.

  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
  • Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.
  • When God said, “Let there be light”, Chuck Norris said, “say please.”
  • It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets  out of the way.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”
  • Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
  • Chuck Norris does not predict the future; the future just does what Chuck Norris says.
  • Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

And now here comes a side-splitting classic piece. Click this link – http://www.nochucknorris.com/

PS: Mr. Norris, please don’t turn your wrath loose on me. I would hate it if you killed me. We have our own super-hero here, in whose hands we all yearn to get our necks wrung and thus die. 🙂

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12 comments

    1. Wow, I knew of that Schneier parody but didn’t know about that website. 🙂 It’s a techie-heavy, I admit, but some points are sooooooper funny. 🙂 Thanks Susam.

  1. Hilarious!!! Well, i remember all these quotes being attributed to our Southern Super Star 🙂 never knew chuck too possessed them and passed on to Rajini!

    1. Ha ha ha 🙂 Glad you liked it Mohan. Not sure whose facts “existed” first, but shouldn’t we pledge to stay loyal to our own star? 😛

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